


Agincourt

by Castiron



Category: Cabin Pressure, Henry V - Shakespeare
Genre: Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 05:59:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16402625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiron/pseuds/Castiron
Summary: Carolyn inspires the troops.





	Agincourt

**RICHARDSON:** O that we now had here  
But one, one only, of those brand new fuel lines  
They sell in yonder shop!

**The OWNER of MJN Air:** What's he that wishes so?  
My pilot Richardson? No, my sly pilot:  
If we are mark'd to stall, we are enough  
To do our air dot loss; and if to fly,  
The less we spend, the greater share of profit.  
God's will! I pray thee, wish not this repair.  
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold—  
Ha ha! I lied! I covet quite a lot  
(And that is why you slept in a museum  
Midst outdoor sculpture, not in a hotel):  
So if it's sin to tend the bottom line,  
I am the most offending soul alive.  
No, faith, good sir, wish not a new fuel line:  
God's peace! I would not lose so many pounds  
As this repair, methinks, would draw from me  
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!  
Rather proclaim it, Richardson, through my crew,  
That we must quickly find some gaffer tape  
Or else stay here, sell Gertie off for scrap,  
And pence for passage put into our hands:  
And leave behind the passengers so dull,  
That whine the while they seek the skies with us.

This day is called the feast of Crispian:  
They that lift off this day, and safely land,  
Will spend a pleasant evening in the pub  
And drink them to the name of MJN.  
They that fly with us and reach their homes  
Will yearly on the vigil bore their neighbours,  
And tell them all about their holiday  
Then will they take their phones and show their snaps  
And say 'This flight I took on MJN.'  
Passengers forget: yet all shall be forgot  
But they'll remember and exaggerate  
The journeys of that day. Then shall our names  
Delightful in their ears as "duty-free"  
The CEO, Carolyn Knapp-Shappey,  
Crieff and Richardson, and my son Arthur,  
Be in their seventh rounds freshly remembered.  
This story shall the clients tell their friends  
And not a holiday shall e'er go by,  
From this day to the plummet of the pound,  
But MJN shall be remember'd;  
This crew, this happy crew—crew and not brothers,  
For only Arthur here can truly say  
I am his mother; in a little while  
This day shall he bring out the cheese tray:  
And we tonight in England rest our heads,  
Rejoice ourselves because we are not here,  
And block our ears whilst Captain Crieff does speak  
Of rules we broke upon Saint Crispin's day.

**THE STEWARD:** Brilliant!


End file.
